With a little work, learned behaviors can be unlearned and modified. How can you overcome history repeating itself? If you are a parent who grew up with a toxic parent as a model, you may feel doomed. You may have been severely neglected but framed it as your parents being too busy. You may have viewed damaging experiences you had growing up as, well, normal.įor example, you may have been beaten or abused but pushed it off as being merely spanked. Once you realize that you have been exposed to toxicity, it may be helpful or even liberating to recognize that many behaviors you learned are toxic. Basically, it’s the foundation for how you see and interact with the people, places, and things around you. Growing up with such tremendous stress and confusion can also make it very hard to form healthy self-esteem, so you may be carrying some heavy baggage around with you.īut you can also make changes to your relationship and your life to address and heal from the damage done.įamily - no matter what form it takes - has a significant impact on an individual’s feelings of self-worth, perception of and trust in others, and general world view. You may feel guilty or inadequate, which makes it hard to thrive in your life as an adult. Then consider this: You may blame yourself for their behaviors or how you react to them. If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, you may have a toxic parent in your life.
Outbursts and bad days are perfectly normal for anyone to have, including parents. As you tire from their tactics, you may simply give in to ideas or situations out of exhaustion or frustration. Toxic parents tend to push and push and push to get their way.
Toxic parents may even hold time, money, or other items as pawns in their manipulation game.
Your parent may try to control you by using guilt or shame to play with your emotions. Or maybe they’re overly critical and controlling of your decisions, even as an adult. Toxic parents may invade your privacy or not allow you to make your own decisions. You may encounter more subtle abuse like name-calling, shifting of blame, silent treatment, or gaslighting. Abuse may not always be hitting, yelling, threats, or something totally obvious either. It may feel like all situations return to the same question: “What about ME?” Your parent may be emotionally unavailable, narcissistic, or perhaps uncaring when it comes to things that you need. “Toxic parent” is an umbrella term for parents who display some or all of the following characteristics: And the abuse or neglect tends to be ongoing or progressive. They likely won’t apologize or even admit that what they are doing is wrong. But their impulse is to do better and make things right.Ī toxic parent, however, is more concerned with their own needs than whether what they’re doing is harmful or damaging. And that means that they may make mistakes, yell too much, or do potentially damaging things to their kids - even unintentionally. Their actions aren’t isolated events, but patterns of behavior that negatively shape their child’s life. When people discuss toxic parents they are typically describing parents who consistently behave in ways that cause guilt, fear, or obligation in their children. To be clear, “toxic parent” isn’t a medical term or a clearly defined concept.